i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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