well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I didn't notice because vodka
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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