I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
