I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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