I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize