i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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