Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
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