I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize