I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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