Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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