I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
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Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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