I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
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There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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