Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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