I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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