I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You took a bar mat shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize