You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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