His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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