Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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