So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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