So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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