this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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