I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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