you didnt know i had herpes?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize