It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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