Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
