ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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