god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize