when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize