Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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