I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize