Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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