I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We talked him into tasing himself.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
