You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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