I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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