I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize