I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize