You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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