I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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