I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
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Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
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Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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