We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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