wakey wakey hands off snakey
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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