Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
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the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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