The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize