he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize