i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize