apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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