I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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