Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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