I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
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Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
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This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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