Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
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Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
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I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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