sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize